PHIDIPPIDES
  And　what　good　can　be　learnt　of　them？
  STREPSIADES
  What　good　indeed？　Why；　all　human　knowledge。　Firstly；　you　will　know
  yourself　grossly　ignorant。　But　await　me　here　awhile。
  （He　goes　back　into　his　house。）
  PHIDIPPIDES
  Alas！　what　is　to　be　done？　Father　has　lost　his　wits。　Must　I　have
  him　certificated　for　lunacy；　or　must　I　order　his　coffin？
  STREPSIADES　（returning　with　a　bird　in　each　hand）
  Come！　what　kind　of　bird　is　this？　Tell　me。
  PHIDIPPIDES
  A　pigeon。
  STREPSIADES
  Good！　And　this　female？
  PHIDIPPIDES
  A　pigeon。
  STREPSIADES
  The　same　for　both？　You　make　me　laugh！　In　the　future　you　must
  call　this　one　a　pigeonnette　and　the　other　a　pigeon。
  PHIDIPPIDES
  A　pigeonnette！　These　then　are　the　fine　things　you　have　just　learnt
  at　the　school　of　these　sons　of　Earth！
  STREPSIADES
  And　many　others；　but　what　I　learnt　I　forgot　at　once；　because　I
  am　to　old。
  PHIDIPPIDES
  So　this　is　why　you　have　lost　your　cloak？
  STREPSIADES
  I　have　not　lost　it；　I　have　consecrated　it　to　Philosophy。
  PHIDIPPIDES
  And　what　have　you　done　with　your　sandals；　you　poor　fool？
  STREPSIADES
  If　I　have　lost　them；　it　is　for　what　was　necessary；　just　as
  Pericles　did。　But　come；　move　yourself；　let　us　go　in；　if　necessary；
  do　wrong　to　obey　your　father。　When　you　were　six　years　old　and　still
  lisped；　I　was　the　one　who　obeyed　you。　I　remember　at　the　feasts　of　Zeus
  you　had　a　consuming　wish　for　a　little　chariot　and　I　bought　it　for
  you　with　the　first　obolus　which　I　received　as　a　juryman　in　the　courts。
  PHIDIPPIDES
  You　will　soon　repent　of　what　you　ask　me　to　do。
  STREPSIADES
  Oh！　now　I　am　happy！　He　obeys。　（loudly）　Come；　Socrates；　come！
  Come　out　quick！　Here　I　am　bringing　you　my　son；　he　refused；　but　I
  have　persuaded　him。
  SOCRATES
  Why；　he　is　but　a　child　yet。　He　is　not　used　to　these　baskets；　in
  which　we　suspend　our　minds。
  PHIDIPPIDES
  To　make　you　better　used　to　them；　I　would　you　were　hung。
  STREPSIADES
  A　curse　upon　you！　you　insult　your　master！
  SOCRATES
  〃I　would　you　were　hung！〃　What　a　stupid　speech！　and　so　emphatically
  spoken！　How　can　one　ever　get　out　of　an　accusation　with　such　a　tone；
  summon　witnesses　or　touch　or　convince？　And　yet　when　we　think；
  Hyperbolus　learnt　all　this　for　one　talent！
  STREPSIADES
  Rest　undisturbed　and　teach　him。　He　has　a　most　intelligent
  nature。　Even　when　quite　little　he　amused　himself　at　home　with　making
  houses；　carving　boats；　constructing　little　chariots　of　leather；　and
  understood　wonderfully　how　to　make　frogs　out　of　pomegranate　rinds。
  Teach　him　both　methods　of　reasoning；　the　strong　and　also　the　weak；
  which　by　false　arguments　triumphs　over　the　strong；　if　not　the　two；
  at　least　the　false；　and　that　in　every　possible　way。
  SOCRATES
  The　Just　and　Unjust　Discourse　themselves　shall　instruct　him。　I
  shall　leave　you。
  STREPSIADES
  But　forget　it　not；　he　must　always；　always　be　able　to　confound
  the　true。
  （Socrates　enters　the　Thoughtery；　a　moment　later　the　JUST　and　the
  UNJUST　DISCOURSE　come　out；　they　are　quarrelling　violently。）
  JUST　DISCOURSE
  Come　here！　Shameless　as　you　may　be；　will　you　dare　to　show　your
  face　to　the　spectators？
  UNJUST　DISCOURSE
  Take　me　where　you　will。　I　seek　a　throng；　so　that　I　may　the
  better　annihilate　you。
  JUST　DISCOURSE
  Annihilate　me！　Do　you　forget　who　you　are？
  UNJUST　DISCOURSE
  I　am　Reasoning。
  JUST　DISCOURSE
  Yes；　the　weaker　Reasoning。〃
  UNJUST　DISCOURSE
  But　I　triumph　over　you；　who　claim　to　be　the　stronger。
  JUST　DISCOURSE
  By　what　cunning　shifts；　pray？
  UNJUST　DISCOURSE
  By　the　invention　of　new　maxims。
  JUST　DISCOURSE
  。。。。　which　are　received　with　favour　by　these　fools。
  （He　points　to　the　audience。）
  UNJUST　DISCOURSE
  Say　rather；　by　these　wise　men。
  JUST　DISCOURSE
  I　am　going　to　destroy　you　mercilessly。
  UNJUST　DISCOURSE
  How　pray？　Let　us　see　you　do　it。
  JUST　DISCOURSE
  By　saying　what　is　true。
  UNJUST　DISCOURSE
  I　shall　retort　and　shall　very　soon　have　the　better　of　you。
  First；　maintain　that　justice　has　no　existence。
  JUST　DISCOURSE
  Has　no　existence？
  UNJUST　DISCOURSE
  No　existence！　Why；　where　is　it？
  JUST　DISCOURSE
  With　the　gods。
  UNJUST　DISCOURSE
  How　then；　if　justice　exists；　was　Zeus　not　put　to　death　for
  having　put　his　father　in　chains？
  JUST　DISCOURSE
  Bah！　this　is　enough　to　turn　my　stomach！　A　basin；　quick！
  UNJUST　DISCOURSE
  You　are　an　old　driveller　and　stupid　withal。
  JUST　DISCOURSE
  And　you　a　degenerate　and　shameless　fellow。
  UNJUST　DISCOURSE
  Hah！　What　sweet　expressions！
  JUST　DISCOURSE
  An　impious　buffoon。
  UNJUST　DISCOURSE
  You　crown　me　with　roses　and　with　lilies。
  JUST　DISCOURSE
  A　parricide。
  UNJUST　DISCOURSE
  Why；　you　shower　gold　upon　me。
  JUST　DISCOURSE
  Formerly　it　was　a　hailstorm　of　blows。
  UNJUST　DISCOURSE
  I　deck　myself　with　your　abuse。
  JUST　DISCOURSE
  What　impudence！
  UNJUST　DISCOURSE
  What　tomfoolery！
  JUST　DISCOURSE
  It　is　because　of　you　that　the　youth　no　longer　attends　the　schools。
  The　Athenians　will　soon　recognize　what　lessons　you　teach　those　who　are
  fools　enough　to　believe　you。
  UNJUST　DISCOURSE
  You　are　overwhelmed　with　wretchedness。
  JUST　DISCOURSE
  And　you；　you　prosper。　Yet　you　were　poor　when　you　said；　〃I　am　the
  Mysian　Telephus；〃　and　used　to　stuff　your　wallet　with　maxims　of
  Pandeletus　to　nibble　at。
  UNJUST　DISCOURSE
  Oh！　the　beautiful　wisdom；　of　which　you　are　now　boasting！
  JUST　DISCOURSE
  Madman！　But　yet　madder　the　city　that　keeps　you；　you；　the　corrupter
  of　its　youth！
  UNJUST　DISCOURSE
  It　is　not　you　who　will　teach　this　young　man；　you　are　as　old　and
  out　of　date　at　Cronus。
  JUST　DISCOURSE
  Nay；　it　will　certainly　be　I；　if　he　does　not　wish　to　be　lost　and　to
  practise　verbosity　only。
  UNJUST　DISCOURSE　（to　PHIDIPPIDES）
  Come　here　and　leave　him　to　beat　the　air。
  JUST　DISCOURSE
  You'll　regret　it；　if　you　touch　him。
  CHORUS…LEADER　（stepping　between　them　as　they　are　about　to　come　to
  blows）
  A　truce　to　your　quarrellings　and　abuse！　But　you　expound　what　you
  taught　us　formerly；　and　you；　your　new　doctrine。　Thus；　after　hearing
  each　of　you　argue；　he　will　be　able　to　choose　betwixt　the　two　schools。
  JUST　DISCOURSE
  I　am　quite　agreeable。
  UNJUST　DISCOURSE
  And　I　too。
  LEADER　OF　THE　CHORUS
  Who　is　to　speak　first？
  UNJUST　DISCOURSE
  Let　it　be　my　opponent；　he　has　my　full　consent；　then　I　shall　follow
  upon　the　very　ground　he　shall　have　chosen　and　shall　shatter　him　with　a
  hail　of　new　ideas　and　subtle　fancies；　if　after　that　he　dares　to
  breathe　another　word；　I　shall　sting　him　in　the　face　and　in　the　eyes
  with　our　maxims；　which　are　as　keen　as　the　sting　of　a　wasp；　and　he　will
  die。
  CHORUS　（singing）
  Here　are　two　rivals　confident　in　their　powers　of　oratory　and　in
  the　thoughts　over　which　they　have　pondered　so　long。　Let　us　see　which
  will　come　triumphant　out　of　the　contest。　This　wisdom；　for　which　my
  friends　maintain　such　a　persistent　fight；　is　in　great　danger。
  LEADER　OF　THE　CHORUS
  Come　then；　you；　who　crowned　men　of　other　days　with　so　many
  virtues；　plead　the　cause　dear　to　you；　make　yourself　known　to　us。
  JUST　DISCOURSE
  Very　well；　I　will　tell　you　what　was　the　old　education；　when　I　used
  to　teach　justice　with　so　much　success　and　when　modesty　was　held　in
  veneration。　Firstly；　it　was　required　of　a　child；　that　it　should　not
  utter　a　word。　In　the　street；　when　they　went　to　the　music…school；　all
  the　youths　of　the　same　district　marched　lightly　clad　and　ranged　in
  good　order；　even　when　the　snow　was　falling　in　great　flakes。　At　the
  master's　house　they　had　to　stand　with　their　legs　apart　and　they　were
  taught　to　sing　either；　〃Pallas；　the　Terrible；　who　overturneth　cities；〃
  or　〃A　noise　resounded　from　afar〃　in　the　solemn　tones　of　the　ancient
  harmony。　If　anyone　indulged　in　buffoonery　or　lent　his　voice　any　of　the
  soft　inflexions；　like　those　which　to…day　the　disciples　of　Phrynis　take
  so　much　pains　to　form；　he　was　treated　as　an　enemy　of　the　Muses　and
  belaboured　with　blows。　In　the　wrestling　school　they　would　sit　with
  outstretched　legs　and　without　display　of　any　indecency　to　the　curious。
  When　they　rose；　they　would　smooth　over　the　sand；　so　as　to　leave　no
  trace　to　excite　obscene　thoughts。　Never　was　a　child　rubbed　with　oil
  below　the　belt；　the　rest　of　their　bodies　thus　retained　its　fresh　bloom
  and　down；　like　a　velvety　peach。　They　were　not　to　be　seen　approaching　a
  lover　and　themselves　rousing　his　passion　by　soft　modulation　of　the
  voice　and　lustful　gaze。　At　table；　they　would　not　have　dared；　before
  those　older　than　themselves；　to　have　taken　a　radish；　an　aniseed　or　a
  leaf　of　parsley；　an