rent　free；　the　curiosity　that　attaches　to　a　man　who　has　been　canted
  out　of　a　ship　in　mid…ocean；　and　lives　to　tell　it；　and　then　Lord
  Tadcaster；　married　into　another　noble　house；　swears　by　him；　and
  talks　of　him；　so　does　Lady　Cicely　Munster；　late　Treherne；　and　when
  such　friends　as　these　are　warm；　it　makes　a　physician　the　centre　of
  an　important　clientele；　but　his　best　friend　of　all　is　his
  unflagging　industry；　and　his　truly　wonderful　diagnosis；　which
  resembles　divination。　　He　has　the　ball　at　his　feet；　and　above　all；
  that　without　which　worldly　success　soon　palls；　a　happy　home；　a
  fireside　warm　with　sympathy。
  Mrs。　Staines　is　an　admiring；　sympathizing　wife；　and　an　admirable
  housekeeper。　　She　still　utters　inadvertencies　now　and　then；　commits
  new　errors　at　odd　times；　but　never　repeats　them　when　exposed。
  Observing　which　docility；　Uncle　Philip　has　been　heard　to　express　a
  fear　that；　in　twenty　years；　she　will　be　the　wisest　woman　in
  England。　　〃But；　thank　heaven！〃　he　adds；　〃I　shall　be　gone　before
  that。〃
  Her　conduct　and　conversation　afford　this　cynic　constant　food　for
  observation；　and　he　has　delivered　himself　oracularly　at　various
  stages　of　the　study：　but　I　cannot　say　that　his　observations；　taken
  as　a　whole；　present　that　consistency　which　entitles　them　to　be
  regarded　as　a　body　of　philosophy。　　Examples：　　In　the　second　month
  after　Mrs。　Staines　came　to　live　with　him；　he　delivered　himself
  thus：　〃My　niece　Rosa　is　an　anomaly。　　She　gives　you　the　impression
  she　is　shallow。　　Mind　your　eye：　in　one　moment　she　will　take　you　out
  of　your　depth　or　any　man's　depth。　　She　is　like　those　country
  streams　I　used　to　fish　for　pike　when　I　was　young；　you　go　along；
  seeing　the　bottom　everywhere；　but　presently　you　come　to　a　corner；
  and　it　is　fifteen　deep　all　in　a　moment；　and　souse　you　go　over　head
  and　ears：　that's　my　niece　Rosa。〃
  In　six　months　he　had　got　to　thisand；　mind　you；　each　successive
  dogma　was　delivered　in　a　loud；　aggressive　tone；　and　in　sublime
  oblivion　of　the　preceding　oracle〃My　niece　Rosa　is　the　most　artful
  woman。　　（You　may　haw！　haw！　haw！　as　much　as　you　like。　　You　have　not
  found　out　her　little　gameI　have。）　　What　is　the　aim　of　all　women？
  To　be　beloved　by　an　unconscionable　number　of　people。　　Well；　she
  sets　up　for　a　simpleton；　and　so　disarms　all　the　brilliant　people；
  and　they　love　her。　　Everybody　loves　her。　　Just　you　put　her　down　in
  a　room　with　six　clever　women；　and　you　will　see　who　is　the　favorite。
  She　looks　as　shallow　as　a　pond；　and　she　is　as　deep　as　the　ocean。〃
  At　the　end　of　the　year　he　threw　off　the　mask　altogether。　　〃The
  great　sweetener　of　a　man's　life；〃　said　he；　〃is　'a　simpleton。'　　I
  shall　not　go　abroad　any　more；　my　house　has　become　attractive：　I've
  got　a　simpleton。　　When　I　have　a　headache；　her　eyes　fill　with　tender
  concern；　and　she　hovers　about　me　and　pesters　me　with　pillows：　when
  I　am　cross　with　her；　she　is　afraid　I　am　ill。　　When　I　die；　and　leave
  her　a　lot　of　money；　she　will　howl　for　months；　and　say　I　don't　want
  his　money：　'I　waw…waw…waw…waw…want　my　Uncle　Philip；　to　love　me；　and
  scold　me。'　　One　day　she　told　me；　with　a　sigh；　I　hadn't　lectured　her
  for　a　month。　　'I　am　afraid　I　have　offended　you；'　says　she；　'or　else
  worn　you　out；　dear。'　　When　I　am　well；　give　me　a　simpleton；　to　make
  me　laugh。　　When　I　am　ill；　give　me　a　simpleton　to　soothe　me　with　her
  innocent　tenderness。　　A　simpleton　shall　wipe　the　dews　of　death；　and
  close　my　eyes：　and　when　I　cross　the　river　of　death；　let　me　be　met
  by　a　band　of　the　heavenly　host；　who　were　all　simpletons　here　on
  earth；　and　too　good　for　such　a　hole；　so　now　they　are　in　heaven；　and
  their　garments　always　whitebecause　there　are　no　laundresses　there。〃
  Arrived　at　this　point；　the　Anglo…Saxon　race　will　retire；　grinning；
  to　fresh　pastures；　and　leave　this　champion　of　〃a　Simpleton；〃　to
  thunder　paradoxes　in　a　desert。
  End